Let me upgrade ya…

My friend with a purpose knew I was struggling with some issues in my life, so she sent me a link to some of Graham Cooke’s sermons.

This dude is brilliant!!! So funny, I laughed my worries away.(just what God wanted me to do).  God’s sense of humor radiates through this guy!

After listening to an hour sermon I learned that I need to embrace my struggles and look forward to my upgrade, when I over come them.  To be curious about what God is doing and what he has in store for me.

This gave me an image of my spirit following God around(as the little girl from Monster’s INC) sayin “whatcha doin?” every 5 minutes.

Be curious, be happy know that you are loved!!

I'm a tool...

I was grumbly today.  Life wasn't sitting with me well and I was unsettled, about what I'm still not completely sure but it's probably a side effect of all the work that is going on inside of me.

When I got home from work and saw a post from an old friend telling me what a blessing I've been and how she was thanking God for using me in her life.

It melted my little annoyed heart!  What an honor it is to know that God is using me to help someone!  I know the Lord works through people everyday, but just hearing from someone tell me they're thanking God for me, humbled me.  I really didn't have the words to respond, I just felt so honored and loved.

I am truly thankful for all the Lord has given me and I welcome him to use me in people's lives.

Happiness and love!

Smartass Christian shines her lil light

So husband was giving me shit because I don’t know the Lord’s prayer.

After giving him the finger I thought “Does anyone really say it anymore??”

So I’ve came up with a daily prayer

Dear Lord

Please keep me from being a dumbass today

Let me help those who need help

And help me love those who piss me off

In Jesus name Amen

Happiness and Love

I did ride the short bus...

So sometimes I like to throw myself little pity parties, and get all bitchy and whiny that Husband doesn't do the little things to show me he loves me...but last night I finally figured it out!  Took me 8 damn years but I figured it out!!

The big duh moment occurred when we were cuddling in bed (which I nagged and bitched for hours for him to do)
 I could tell that he wanted to be in his recliner watching the military channel and I almost got all pouty and said "I can tell you don't wanna be here so go watch what you want" but then it dawned on me...this is him showing me he loves me

So I showed my appreciation by being quiet...for a minute or two


Happiness and love

My Country side

Ok I’m a dork

I have a thing for movie sound tracks.  My favorite part of some movies is the sound track.

So, sometimes when I’m bored I’ll hear a song and think “that could be part of my sound track.”  Sometimes when I’m feeling morbid it’s “they should play this at my funeral”

Right now I’m listening to country getting all nostalgic and warm and fuzzy about the past. ( I hope it doesn’t last long)

When I hear John Michael Mountgomery I think of my first “serious” boyfriend.  That poor dude…I dumped my crazy all over him. He earned the right to call me a crazy bitch.

Listening to Clink Black, Clay Walker or Mark Wills reminds me of my ex husband. There was equal crazy in that relationship.

Needless to say country music makes me remember some shit that I just don’t want to and don’t really need to.

Trisha Yearwood, Tanya Tucker, Pam Tilis, Alan Jackson, Garth Brooks, Toby Keith, Billy Dean, Brooks n Dunn, Tracy Lawrence, Tracy Byrd, Kenny Chesney, Faith Hill, Diamond Rio, George Straight, Travis Trit, Little Texas, Tim Mcgraw… Are just a few of the favorites I had.  On snow days I would spend all day watching videos on CMT and chat online all day, now I listen to Pandora and play on facebook all day.  My how I’ve grown.

(My level of embarrassment depends on who’s reading this)

I slowly eased outta that phase by listening to Ozzy Aerosmith and Metallica, but that’s for another post.  

I guess it's safe to say that some of the important parts of my movie's sound track would be country

Gettin my Jesus on

With all the shit that people have to face in their lives abuse, addiction, wondering how they’re gonna pay rent or feed their kids…Why the hell do I fear what people say about me being a “Jesus Freak”?

I do NOT judge people for their beliefs but I know that certain people will talk shit about the new choices I am making in my life.

I’m finally ok with it!  Talk shit if ya want but I’m still gonna be me

The old me would’ve talked shit too so I’m not judging you for talkin shit :P

I’ve been spending a lot of my time watching the “God channel” (GMC).  7^th Heaven, Touched by an Angel and 227 are my line up.

 

I feel hopeful and stronger now that I’m taking out more of the negative and adding more positive in my life.  It’s a slow process but I’m doing small things like changing the music I listen to and the TV I watch.

I finally found a Christian rap artist that I like listening too!  It was a real struggle for me to find Christian music that didn’t make me feel guilty all the time and had a music style I liked—KJ-52 He seems like a smartass Jesus freak and I love it!

Do Yo Thang

Happiness and Love

Force Writing

Hibernation lasted a little longer than I intended.  I think it might be getting to me but I can't seem to make myself go to work.

My dog seems to love the fact that I'm home all the time but I think husband feels different.  Oh well, I'm forcing my ass outta bed tomorrow and I AM going to work!
Stop judging me! haha Husband hates it when I say that...

I have to be positive and not dread tomorrow.

Tomorrow is a gift, even if you want to return it...smile and say thank you!

Happiness and Love

Free your mind...Your ass will follow

I just had a positive relationship conversation with Husband! We both admitted we both have things to work on.  I grown up relationship conversation!
He chose his words carefully and I kept a relaxed mind.

I've decided that I'm going to do my best to not "over share" details of my relationship with husband.  Just wanted to put it out there that life is good.

Much is going on in peoples lives around me.
Some good, some that totally sucks and some holy shit I can't believe this is happening already!

Life doesn't wait til we're  ready... keeping a peaceful mind

Happiness and Love

Hibernation day 1

There has been a lot of crap going around.  Stomach flu with 3 different flavors and you can try them all! A variety of colds are available.

At the beginning of the week I was starting to feel sickish but I figured it was just from missing the weekend.
When I still felt sickish this morning I figured it was time to hibernate.

Hopefully the chillin and the senile grandpa will be ok in my absence at work.
They're pretty self sufficient. Some may think they work harder than I do. ;)

I am however working from home (in between blogging).  I have the luxury of coping with the boredom of my job while I work at home.

Happiness and Love y'all

When you do bad you get sad…

I think it’s safe to say that most of us have ignored that little voice that tells us to rethink what we’re about to do right before we do something stupid.

Sometimes that little voice screams at me and I still ignore it.  I almost always regret it when I ignore that voice.

Most of these situations are related to my insecurities.  I get suspicious of everything!

I am spending a lot of time working on this.

A good friend of mine keeps telling me “If you look for something hard enough you’ll find it”

I need to look for the positive instead of the negative.  I spend so much time and energy being suspicious and trying to make sure nobody makes me look like a fool, when in fact I’m the one making myself look like a fool by acting like that.

It’s exhausting thinking in that mind set! Always wondering if people mean what they say, if they’re talking about you behind your back blah blah blah .

Of course people are gonna talk.  They get bored with their own lives so they need some entertainment or someone to hate on.

I’m starting to give less of a fuck what people think but, I’m hoping someday to get to that peaceful place where I won’t give a fuck at all.

Yay me!!

Names have been changed to protect the crazy.

Phone rings

"Yes boss"

"God damnit I need you to come here"

Never a good thing to hear from your boss, but for some reason it didn't bother me I thought he just needed to vent about someone else.

"What up?"

"Shut the door"

Still not bothered.

"Ms. Crackerjack just spent 10 minutes bitching about you."

I almost got mad but instead I laughed.  Not sure what came over me but I liked it.
Normally I would have went to Ms. Crackerjack and snapped.  I didn't even get defensive.

"She said you were difficult to work with and won't do anything she asks you to because you don't like people telling you what to do."

"Well I can't argue with her there." I laughed it off and explained my side of the story.

I honestly didn't care what she had said about me!

WFT? How did that happen??

Of course I was still a smartass and went around telling everyone how difficult I am to work with.  I figure it's my reward for keeping my shit together.

One test of many

I’m in my cube chanting like an idiot

“Everything will work out, be positive”

I’m fucking positive I’m pissed!

“Everything will work out, be positive”

These fuckers took more of my money!

“Everything will work out, be positive”

I’ve got bills to pay n shit!

“Everything will work out, be positive”

At least the power company can’t cut me off yet…maybe this shit is working

Happiness and love, happiness and love

My gang of sluts love me for who I am

It's no big secret that I'm a smartass.  Smartasses tend to have smartass friends.  A gang of sluts with a gang supervisor, for example

At first I thought my fellow gang members would talk shit about my new outlook on life, but so far they haven't.

My biggest challenge will be to stop giving a fuck about people's perception of me.  They're all fucked up themselves so why should I care what they think of me? (my husband will be so proud!)

I need to stop feeling like everyone is better than I am.  We're all equally fucked up in our own way, some people are just better actors.

Traditions

So it seems that I have created my own tradition of starting a new blog every new year.  Each year I hope things will be different and I will keep up with the new blog, each year I fail.

This year will be different, damnit!!
I'm trying a different take on life this year.  You see I was taught a lesson this past year.  My Boxer Ozzy developed a Mast Cell tumor. We caught it early and the surgery removed it all, but it was a very traumatic experience that woke my ass up!
I need to enjoy life and have fun instead of worrying it away.


I'm really working hard on being more positive about things.  I'm taking time to appreciate the blessings that I have been given.

My to do list

Grow up! (not totally)
It's time to become more responsible financially.
Get caught up on bills, start saving, you know the grown up type stuff.

Get in touch with my inner hippy (insert stoner joke here)
Be peaceful.  Stop thinking all the damn time!
Stop letting the negative thoughts, guilt and range consume me.

Be a better friend (to others and most of all myself)
Be nice damnit!
Realize that I'm a good person but I'm human and will make mistakes and let people down, the people who truly care will stick around.
Stop giving until it hurts.  I'm always gonna do what I can to help others, but I have to set limits.  I need to consider my family and my needs before others.
Yes Mom, I realize this is what you've been trying to get through to me all these years

Stand by my man (after all, he did promise to put up with my bullshit til death do us part)
I need to be more accepting of who he is if I expect him to accept me for who I am.  I need to make sure to consider him before others. I have been guilty of this and I'm not proud, but it's time to change that.

Work it! (love thy self and "Do Work"!)
I really need to become more confident in myself and take more pride in my job.  It may not be my dream job but it pays the bills.
I also need to accept myself for who I am both inside and out.  If I feel better on the inside I'll feel better on the outside and vice-versa.

I have a hell of a list to work through!  I figure if I take it a bit at a time I might be able to get through it.



I hope you'll join me on my journey...
Until then, be happy damnit!!